I Had to Cope With An Unwanted Relocation / Move

Moving is especially difficult for children.

They give up the most. Home, friends, best friends, school and their neighbourhood. Generally, the older the child, the more difficult the move, because the importance of peer connections increase with age.

TALK TO YOUR FAMILY ABOUT THE MOVE

Explain why the move is necessary. List the advantages of the new location that children might appreciate.

Infants and toddlers simply are confused by the change in surroundings.

Preschoolers tend to miss certain places, such as a favouite park or daycare. Younger children tend to miss familiar people--for example, a favourite teacher, school, or even their own bedrooms.

Under the age of six may worry about being left behind or being separated from their parents. It's important to them to be able to express their feelings and fears about the move. They react well to having a task or job to do--like being responsible for boxing up their favourite toys and labelling these boxes. This gives them a sense of some control over the move.

Children 6-12yrs. worry about who they'll eat lunch with and if they'll like their teacher. They tend to be concerned about how their routines will change. So, if your children are in various structured activities (like sports, other lessons and activities), it is important that they continue these activities.

Older children--especially teenagers--tend to miss their friends and others in their communities with whom they have developed relationships. Teenagers are most concerned about fitting in. They may react angrily to the move, or even insist that they're not moving. This is due to the total lack of control they have over everything that is important in their lives--friends, school, nieghbourhood.

They are most worried about making new friends, about what will be different in the new school. On the other hand, they are curious about clothing, hairstyles, that kids in the new school will have.

Talk to your children. Let them talk--and really listen to them. Find out what they will miss the most. Avoid reassuring your children before they have had a chance to vent. Avoid saying , "Yes . . . but . . ." and stopping them from validating their feelings it is important to allow the grieving to take it's course. Voice the things you miss too.

Your children may want to leave something behind--bury something in the back yard, plant a tree or shrub. It is also a good idea to make an old nieghbourhood/friend book. Allow them to take pictures before they leave and throw a party even if it is in school.
Remind them to get phone numbers and addresses. Provide them with all of their new contact information.

Call the principal of your children's schools, and try to set up a meeting with their teachers or, if they're in junior high or high school, guidance counselor. The new school may even be able to give you names of students in your child's class who live near your new home. If so, you may want to drop by to meet them and their families before you move in.

Set up the children's rooms first. Take short walks around the neighbourhood. This is a great way to meet new neighbours and new friends. Encourage them to get out, do not let them hide in their rooms.

Check groups your family may have been involved with before the move. Churches, sports, social, organizations and activities. Arrange a tour of your child's school. Locate the library, cafeteria, gymnasium, playground, bathrooms and bus stop.
When you feel more settled, invite immediate neighbours, especially those with children, to a picnic or barbecue, so the kids can get to know each other.
Generally, most children adapt to their new location within about nine weeks; however, for some the adjustment period may last from six months to one and one-half years.

Throughout the move, stay as upbeat and calm as you can; a good plan makes this possible. Your own mood will impact other family members, especially babies, who are particularly sensitive to their mother's feelings. With older children, it's important to be honest about some of the uncertainties you have, but also to be generally optimistic about the move and the positive ways it will affect the family.

Try to stick to your routines. Have meals at the same times as always. If your kids nap, encourage them to lie down at the usual time. Keep to the normal bedtimes. Don't pack things that your children treasure. Take special blankets, beloved stuffed animals, favorite books, and other prized items in a separate bag or box that you can bring with you in the car or on the plane when you go to your new home.

The attitude of the parents is most important in how well a child will cope with moving. See the move as an adventure and focus on the opportunities in moving, the children will then accept the situation as a positive.